i didn't understand
how my back was curved like a spoon all the time
how my breath stops at the eyes upon me
how my voice stops to be heard at their stares
my cowardice

i was jealous
their stance, the way they held their chins up high
their never-ending smiles and laughs and talks
their wits, never stopping to think, always ready
their courage

i am stuck in my own world
not because they told me to
because i have to

someone has to yield
someone has to be the clapper
someone has to watch
someone has to be inferior
i am—
that's my role in this world

i will never be—
never be the.