i write
because i am upset
and since when has writing become a form
of exploitation of the human condition
?!

this will all be over soon
he said
over? can that be replaced by fixed?
i don't want it to be over
i want my expectations to become real

i don't want you to go
that steady decline you've been in
you made me hope for too many things
we talked about
starting a business
suceeding in business
starting a charity
building communities
we planned out
my wedding
my family
your new house with a swimming pool
you said you'd give me away
watch whether i decide
to be a stay at home parent
or pursue a career
you're still convincing me
to take on a responsibility im not yet ready for
i need you...i still
want to need you
to be my support
at some point i'm not so certain
of my intentions

before
i met you
i was taught
to value
money
to build
a reputation
to keep
up appearances
above all else

with you
all i had disappeared

before
i met you
i learned
to do
what was convenient
to be
invisible to myself
to have
less than what was due

does it stop there?

maybe you taught me
the better part of me
maybe you showed me
the other side of things
but there is so much more
to hope for now

the just will have a cause
worth fighting for

things are at an end
all these will be done
it shall be finished soon enough