When people say, "let me know how I can help," I always smile and nod. It's sweet of them, and kind, but on the inside my heart
d r o p s
Later than night, when I'm curled under my desk, hands over my ears and the smothering weight of panic squeezes me, crushes me, that sentence echoes. "How can I help?" I don't know. I don't know. Can you help? Can I be helped? I sit and ride it out, and my phone stays on the table.
The next day they ask, "are you doing better?" I reach for my pen and scratch a smile onto my face. Much better. Thank you for asking. My insides are empty.