Life

I don’t need to think too much about living.

Wake up,
Same time,
And I’m going to school again.

Enter the classroom in a daze
Trying to meet your gaze.
But I don’t,
And now,
I can finally say that’s okay.

I live off of calculating what people want me to say.
Laugh when she laughs,
Smile when he smiles.

I make up answers on my school assignments—
I don’t care anymore.

I’m so tired—
Shut the door.

The endless morning comes again—
I don’t want it to drag by.

The weekend loses its impact—
It’s all too saddening anyway.

Because I have to be without you
For a longer day.

I bite back my tears in class.

No, it’s not some ******* hormones.

No, it’s not my ******* age.

I can’t laugh.

I can’t smile.

It hurts too much.

As I sit there,

a    l   o    n   e,

The recurring feeling of intense nausea sweeps over me—
Encapsulating my body,
And completely penetrating me.

Go through the motions—
Get cheered up by my friends.

But when I see you,
The feeling returns again.

I care for you.
I love you and hug you and—




that’s





what makes it




worse.

Go home,
Long day.

Ask how I’m doing,
And it’s the same thing I say.

Stay up till two in the morning—
Watching shows until they’re boring.

Get four hours of sleep,
Repeat the cycle again.

I try to change the cycle.

And sometimes, I do.


But it all just starts back up again.


I wish it was all something I could understand.

It all seems to be getting to my head.


God—


If this is what living feels like,











I’d rather be dead.