when the water rushes to fill
my ears, I hear the ever-present,
rarely-heard drum
of my own heart beating
at the edge of the water,
I can feel it around my face
as my eyes blur upwards,
here I am blinking and thinking
always thinking,
or maybe deliberating
arguing, even, with myself
pushing the thoughts of drowning
to the back of my mind again
distracted by the soft hum of it
the music I have going
on the sink, by the tub,
filled with water
filled with me
pulling my knees
to examine the bruises
scattered across my legs
a deep breath in,
hold it while pure silence
envelopes me, there
I close my eyes
let the thoughts continue
let them be
im happy