I spend my nights with darkness looming over me. A steady feeling of emptiness accompanies me in the day. Words never seem to be heard the way that people mean them to be. Words are something that I cannot seem to properly say.
Everyday I feel that I am alone in a crowd full of people. Everyday I feel that I would be better off dead. The people around me would surely be happier. This isn't just all in my head.
Why should I try only to fail? All my life I have been running from rejection. In a moment I scream of abandonment. I push and I pull for control of my life. Every moment is life or death. This feeling is an infection.
Thoughts of dying. Thoughts of blood. Thoughts of being a mistake. I couldn't erase these thoughts if I tried.
My mind echos so loudly that I cannot hear. My voice catches in my throat. All I feel are insecurities. All I want is to disappear.
It is the fact that no one understands me. They can't see that I cant understand them. That I try to fight for control. They don't see how hard I try to keep it all inside. The burden that I have come to be.
No one can ever love me. I can never love myself. At some point you just wash away thinking that you'll never be enough.