At the age of six,
I had my first kiss stolen--
by a blue-eyed boy in kindergarten
It wasn't that I disliked the moment
Rather, I felt somewhat indifferent
Was I supposed to feel something?
Warmth, butterflies, disgust--anything?
Still, I smiled and patted his flushed cheek
I wanted him to smile instead of being so meek

> Unfortunately,
they moved away
later that same week <

At the age of nine,
I saw that same boy once more
He was noticeably less cheery than before
Not knowing if he recognized me in that instance
I decided to still take the chance
So I approached him and said,
      "Is the boy from before dead?"
With a roll of his eyes, he sneered,
      "Are you stupid? Can't you see I'm right here?"
I could only shake my head
      "Then why won't you smile for me instead?"

> I think he looked cute
with his eyes wide
and his cheeks red <

At the age of twelve,
We went to the same school
I was the quiet kid, and he was the class fool
We were a fairly strange combination
But we fit well despite the little complications

> Life went on
pleasantly soft and silent--
without any confrontations <

At the age of fifteen,
That was when he then confessed
For so long his feelings had been repressed
I was honest--I couldn't return what he felt
It was alarming to see his expression melt
It wasn't that liking the same *** was bad
But I just didn't feel the same things he had

> determined, he said--
      "I'll try again next time!"
it made me surprisingly glad <

At the age of eighteen,
I started to explore the idea of romance
I even thought about possibly giving him a chance
But naive little me decided to go with someone new
Someone that I admittedly barely knew
Still, we had pretty much barely started
I was eager with the direction we were headed

> If only--
those happy little thoughts
had actually lasted <

At the age of twenty-one,
As you were busy nursing your broken heart
You and I slowly grew apart
I hated not having you by my side
But I knew that wasn't something for me to decide
I was still with my first love, surprisingly
Though we were starting to become a bit shaky

> Later that night, I came to you--
quivering lips and tear stained cheeks
i found out that he was cheating on me <

At the age of twenty-four,
After I put my silly little relationship to an end
Me and you gradually became even closer friends
It was amazing how your feelings still remained--
Even after all the mistakes I've made
It makes me wonder what it is that you see
To keep you from simply giving up on me

> Still, I couldn't
get rid of this nagging feeling
inside of me <

At the age of twenty-seven,
I finally gave you the answer you wanted
It even felt like a giant weight had been lifted
Sometimes I wonder if I had just been confused
Maybe the idea was just something I stupidly refused
What I thought were only feelings of friendship--
Were actually desires for a more intimate relationship
It amazed me how little I understood about myself
So, I wanted to learn--
      not just about me,
              but about you as well.

< I wonder if I fell for you when--
I started referring to you as "you"--
instead of just "him" >