i wanted to go back to my old room so bad.
because of the colours of the walls,
the view from the window,
and the memories of my mom.

the memories are the exact reason why i should never go back into that room.
its my past self.
never go back.
always move forward.

that room holds secrets.
secrets i cannot tell and secrets that have been told.
i was suicidal in that room.
i even attempted suicide in that room.
i wrote my suicide notes and cried myself to sleep in that room.
i was physically and emotionally abused by my father in that room.

my current room is when i shed a layer of myself
and began to see that i needed more help than i thought.
and thats really the first step.
the most important step.
the hardest and tallest step.
realizing you're more ****** up than you ever thought you were. but realizing it in a way that makes you want to change for the better.