bile rising in my throat
i’m the ground again
away from people
but the noise won’t stop
won’t stop
god why won’t it stop
my mind is a never ending barrage
of loud, violent thoughts
overwhelming, unstoppable

i hide and hide
laying down to slow my heart
beating, racing
as if trying to escape my thoughts
is this a panic attack?
but i’m not crying
and this feeling has lasted days
so of course not, of course not

my skin doesn’t feel right
like i could peel it right off
my clothes are too tight
i can feel each atom in my body
vibrating so urgently, so violently
nothing is right

other methods fail
they always do, they always do
so i turn to my worst comfort
tearing into flesh on my arms
carefully hidden under shirtsleeves
i can finally breathe

this feeling is all consuming
no end in sight
i hide and pretend
i can’t worry anyone again
it’s been days
but i can wait
help is too much trouble