hesitating outside doors
deep breaths
in 4, hold 7, out 8
i can’t confront anything
i just hide and wait
not meeting eyes or expectations
holding my breath
for the time when everything
is alone
and quiet
and still

my voice still shakes
i hesitate
when trying to confront my problems
and my harmful actions

sometimes peace only comes
when sitting on my bed in a dark room
when the universe
seems to slow d o w n
a n d  e v e r y t h i n g
a l m o s t  m a k e s  s e n s e

thinking of my future
gives me chills
and i feel
so helpless
and i want to give up
but there’s that part of me
that smiles at a good challenge
the part that can present a presentation
almost perfectly
that part
that’s so small it’s almost invisible
but maybe
it might be growing

confrontation
always makes me scared
i wait for the problem
to go away by itself
i’d rather self-medicate
then make my parents drive me to the doctors
i think it’d be better for everyone
if i let myself fade away like i want
than confront my problems