Watching the warped horizon
I’m drowning in my tears.
I can see the surface
and it’s so far from here.

Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I seek out the pain?
It’s like I’m addicted to hurting
Thrive off the feeling of sinking
Of melting away.

Until I go so deep
And realise I need to breathe
Then I’m screaming for air,
Someone, drag me out of here, PLEASE.

And yet I never take their hands
I never put the effort in
I never try to hold my breath
I never really try to swim

It’s my drug and I love it
And that is so wrong
But it scares me to death
When I’m down there too long.

When I can’t break the surface
That is when I scream
WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!
DO YOU HATE YOURSELF? IS THAT IT?

Or are you just so empty….
Every single day…
That misery is salvation
In so many ways.

It’s easy to find
And it’s easy to cry
And you bear it for a while
Until
You
Feel like
You want
To die.