It was by intense calculation
and silent determination
that I planned to exit in peace.
Suicide could not be an accident
or result from lack of judgement;
spontaneous disasters never bring relief.
I searched and pondered a different strategy
each & every day.
You can't say I wasn't dedicated.
I was set on finding a miracle to end me - my way.
It seemed obvious & much too simple
to sleep my way to death,
but the glaring orange bottle enchanted me into captivity
& slowly stopped my breath.
People might talk about how I left & talk they may.
Their words mean nothing when all they had were excuses
to avoid seeing both me
and my pain.