today i wondered what i would be.
but my definition
is a multitude of faucets

faucets that are leaky
they drip
tiny splashes of knowledge

knowledge that i almost have
but not quite.

today i wondered why

why it’s so difficult to eat
in the mornings,
                   and afternoons,
                                       and nights.

and why my body is more beautiful when it is starved

and how come
the trees hold flowers i want to touch
but i can’t get myself to walk to the branches.

i know they will be wilted soon

because they bloomed
too early.
when winter pretended to be spring
but brought the coldness back too soon

sometimes i wonder why
on days like these
eye contact is like
replacing a lightbulb

because
i’d rather sit in darkness than
stand on the chair.

and i wonder
why i like to let my body chill
naked, on my bed after a hot shower
just to feel less numb

and if i get too cold,
then i found something to care about

to care about getting warm again