Life heckles my happiness
Every positive I gain
Must be countered with a sadness
Of a loved ones torture and pain


Momentum shifts from good to bad
Each exaltation  of bliss
Is followed with an echo gone mad
A celebration, a moment to rejoice
Finds itself mirrored
With the sound of a past pain's voice


Clouded by guilt  for wanting to smile
Offering a shoulder
Holding back your my own tears
All the while


Wanting to please all and make not a foe
This task is impossible 
When my conscience is at war with my soul


To pick a path or ride the fence
Decisions, decisions,decisions
My sanity the expense


Am I asking for guidance 
Am I praying to above
Should I give into compliance
You must pay for love 
Happiness isn't Free