I try to teach myself to stand on my own two feet
But i don’t know how well i can anymore
“Your grades are great”
“You’re really pretty”
“What do you have to worry about?”

I have to worry about how long i can push myself and how much of that studying i have to do tomorrow because i can’t stay awake on four hours of sleep through another day

I have to worry about how much this will bring down my grade compared to that because i don’t know how much homework i can force myself to do when i don’t even feel like leaving my bed

I have to worry about talking to my boyfriend for at least thirty minutes just so he doesn’t think i don’t love him anymore

I have to worry about sounding happy and looking happy and smiling happily and laughing happily

I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY

I have to worry about what to wear tomorrow
And the next day
And the next day because heaven forbid i come to school in my pajamas because i would loose all my social standing

I have to worry about how long it takes me to make that shake in the morning so i have time to have SOMETHING, just SOME calories in the morning so people can’t say “that’s why you’re too skinny” and just enough to keep my stomach from sounding like a whale, because God, do i know how people love to laugh at that

I have to worry about when i want to wear my makeup and when i don’t because i don’t want people to always expect makeup out of me but i still want to look nice

I have to worry about how i do my makeup because oh do i know how too much for a normal day or a simple slightly off shade can make everyone see me as a terrible monster

I have to worry about the color of my hair and the colors that i wear, does it bring out my eyes? who even cares?
Me.
Everybody.

I have to look perfect i have to seem perfect my grades have to be perfect my outfits have to be perfect
I have to be
Perfect

Ladies and Gentlemen,
That is what i have to worry about