you love my younger sister
more than me
and make no attempt to hide it
but i don't mind
because i love my father
more than you
and make no attempt to hide it

i've spent so long trying to please you
but it is never good enough
and i love you because i have to

i am tired of being ridiculed
oppressed and frowned upon
to the point where
when i think of all the awful things about myself
your voice is the first in my head

i dont care if you dont like me
if i disappoint you
if im not good enough for you
because i have plenty of people in my life
that i am enough for
i don't need your approval
and i don't need to fear you

so you can keep drinking
keep losing your sanity over simple things
keep being the bipolar ***** you've become
but my sister will keep hating you
and she will tell me how awful you make her feel
i will keep being the one there to fix what you break
and your husband will keep talking to me
rather than you
about the stress and problems he's facing
and how he can't even sleep at night because life is overwhelming
and i'll keep listening
and paying more attention to what he says than you do

motherhood is a special thing
i won't **** it up when i get there
i won't be like you

s.s