a place of learning is what it's supposed to be
you sit in a hall, with a professor giving a lecture
and then you go back to a room
where you're not supposed to be lonely.
it's supposed to be a place to be reborn,
to choose who you want to be and renew
yourself, to cut ties with who you were and
be who you want to be. not to be torn.
torn between two lives, two selves
one i want to be, one i want to forget
these selves who keep clashing within me
unable to quiet themselves.
will i learn to be the independent young man
who can be himself around others, brave
and strong, or will i be forever who i once was,
alone, following a restrictive plan?
i may not have changed, but i would like to
if only there was a course that i could take
how many credits would it be, to change me
into someone who's not constantly blue?
ironic, isn't it. the school colors are my personality
pantone 292, a shade of blue that doesn't fit
because it's not my school. pantone 2955 is more my color
dark, sad, and full of emotion, heavy with morality.
a failed assignment here, a missed lecture there
a slowly increasing workload, both real and imagined
a life of hard work and loneliness
leaving me truly unprepared
the problem with learning about people
is that it's one class you can't afford to fail.
because if you do, you fail at life itself.