a vaccine
to protect you from something
so insignificant
so troublesome
so deadly
as the flu

something people don't think about
don't think to avoid or get away from
can come back to knock you out
for days and weeks

a tiny virus

small things can hurt
small things can be devastating
they come inside and they never leave
expanding, growing
until they take over

small, insignificant things
a virus
an insult
a name
a rule
a message

things people don't think about
could have devastating effects
if only there was a shot
that could protect against them all

How can someone love me if I'm too broken?
If my scars are visible and ugly
If I keep too many secrets unspoken
And my heart is always unhappy

How can someone love me if I'm shattered?
I am a hard puzzle you can't ever solve
The pieces of me are scattered
And i am difficult to dissolve

How can someone love me if I don't even love myself?
If I'm the one who sends trouble
If I'm like an old book stock in a shelf
And a boring girl who doesn't go out from her bubble

So how can someone love me if I'm locked up in a cage
And too broken like a crumpled page.

yet again, it happened
a cry of frustration, a scream
then a somewhat satisfying smack
of skin on concrete
not enough to bleed
not enough to leave a bruise
but enough to hurt for days

not every mark is visible
not everyone can see
what is happening to me
what's going on in my mind

a place held under lock and key
easily hidden away
so i can make people stay
by making them blind.

but sometimes there comes a day
where i can't hold it inside,
for fear that something within me has died
and maybe it has

a place of learning is what it's supposed to be
you sit in a hall, with a professor giving a lecture
and then you go back to a room
where you're not supposed to be lonely.

it's supposed to be a place to be reborn,
to choose who you want to be and renew
yourself, to cut ties with who you were and
be who you want to be. not to be torn.

torn between two lives, two selves
one i want to be, one i want to forget
these selves who keep clashing within me
unable to quiet themselves.

will i learn to be the independent young man
who can be himself around others, brave
and strong, or will i be forever who i once was,
alone, following a restrictive plan?

i may not have changed, but i would like to
if only there was a course that i could take
how many credits would it be, to change me
into someone who's not constantly blue?

ironic, isn't it. the school colors are my personality
pantone 292, a shade of blue that doesn't fit
because it's not my school. pantone 2955 is more my color
dark, sad, and full of emotion, heavy with morality.

a failed assignment here, a missed lecture there
a slowly increasing workload, both real and imagined
a life of hard work and loneliness
leaving me truly unprepared

the problem with learning about people
is that it's one class you can't afford to fail.
because if you do, you fail at life itself.

a sad soul whispers
i wish i never met you
to the demon in the empty room
and it replies
with a voice that flows thick and sweet
almost suffocating
but darling you created me
and it laughs as her tears hit the sheets
and it sounds just like him
you do this to yourself
she can smell his cologne on its breath as it leans closer
he doesn't care and neither do i, no one does
it blinks and it's eyes turn as blue as his
she tries to look away but it grabs her cheeks so she gets one last good look at what she tries to forget
it won't let her forget
he won't let her forget
then it dissipates into the lonely space
but the weight never leaves the air

s.s