Feb 2018
Leaving you was like the first time I got my glasses — I hated it. I hated it with every fiber of my being. I felt that it was stupid, and I was so ashamed to wear it. I never told anyone, and I only used it when I was all by myself. I walk around everywhere pretending my eyes were in perfect functioning condition. It got me thinking why I did not care about my eyes in the first place, so it didn't have to come to this. It didn't feel right because I was so used to trusting my own eyes that I never thought it would fail me. Most times, my glasses gave me pain because I was never used to it. I took it off, once, twice, thrice, and I guess now, more than I can count with my fingers. I tested whether or not I'd still function without it. However, taking it off that many times just caused more complications for me. Objects got even more unclear, and it got to the point where I just couldn't stand being without it anymore.
I hated my glasses, but I realized I'm not the first person who got glasses. Some people do, and some people don't. Some got contacts, some got spectacles, and some have these things, and simply choose not to wear it. Eventually, I realized that I do need it. With it, I can see objects in the distance much more clearer, and I could see how far things are from the rear view mirror. Somehow, I understand why there are so many dents in the trunk of the car. I use it often now. Sometimes, I take it off, and things get blurry, and the lines get blurry, and I decide, maybe it's time I put it back on. I enjoy the momentary lapse of blur where I am in 2015 again, sitting in the warm plastic seats of a white box, waiting for the next click of the shutter, and I see your face, and I know for sure. But this momentary lapse of blur is nothing, standing next to refreshing clarity.
Some days, I believe in what my glasses bring, but I still am surprised when things in the distance are never as they appear - and I think that is what I'm waiting for. I think maybe, I wait for the day, that my eyes will function as they used to, and just maybe, I could come back to the old days when I could trust what I see with my own eyes, when I don't have to wear my glasses anymore. I'm never sure if that day would come, but I'll leave it up to time, chance, and consequence: the very same things that led me to my own demise. However, until then, I'll put my glasses on, and I'll try to wear them with my head up.
I hated my glasses, but I realized I'm not the first person who got glasses. Some people do, and some people don't. Some got contacts, some got spectacles, and some have these things, and simply choose not to wear it. Eventually, I realized that I do need it. With it, I can see objects in the distance much more clearer, and I could see how far things are from the rear view mirror. Somehow, I understand why there are so many dents in the trunk of the car. I use it often now. Sometimes, I take it off, and things get blurry, and the lines get blurry, and I decide, maybe it's time I put it back on. I enjoy the momentary lapse of blur where I am in 2015 again, sitting in the warm plastic seats of a white box, waiting for the next click of the shutter, and I see your face, and I know for sure. But this momentary lapse of blur is nothing, standing next to refreshing clarity.
Some days, I believe in what my glasses bring, but I still am surprised when things in the distance are never as they appear - and I think that is what I'm waiting for. I think maybe, I wait for the day, that my eyes will function as they used to, and just maybe, I could come back to the old days when I could trust what I see with my own eyes, when I don't have to wear my glasses anymore. I'm never sure if that day would come, but I'll leave it up to time, chance, and consequence: the very same things that led me to my own demise. However, until then, I'll put my glasses on, and I'll try to wear them with my head up.
