Sometimes, in the shower I think of all the hands I have let touch me And have to scrub myself so hard my skin blisters, Use my nails like a blunt knife, try to tear into a new skin One they have never seen I'm reminded of all the ways I have said no with my body, All the times it was ignored, And turn the water so hot I feel hell singing in my blood. I hear all the ways I said no with my tongue, All the times it was ignored, Bite down on lips that never spoke loud enough I’d sever this useless muscle from my mouth If only I hadn’t already hidden the razors. But sometimes, in the shower I think of the times I have touched myself Ran fingers over a soft-skinned body That could not do more to save me And I remind myself that this precipice of hatred, The dancing cliff-edge of blaming myself Should not lead to scars and blood in the drain I think of all the ways the water has held me Has embraced me for hours and asked me to give nothing in return In these moments I know a body is just flesh This sinew and marrow carcass of me Is blameless for the reaching hands Of the ****** and rotten bodies of them It’s just a frightened body And I forgive it I forgive it