I've come to terms and accepted that I will never be okay.

I've tried to dismiss every harsh word my mouth begins to say.

The screams and words that my brain bleeds convinces me to hurt.

He thinks that I'm unhappy, that his love can save me.

But he doesn’t know about all the nights I spend in agony.

He doesn’t know how many nights I cry to the unforgiven moon.

Insomnia, a sharp pinch upon my dreams while she rocks me harshly to sleep.

Her lullaby’s the sound of my fast heartbeat.

Anxiety doesn’t go away even after we’re asleep.

She robs me of my dreams and takes me to a place I’ve seen too many times.

She lies and she disguises her lies with whys.

She blames and she shames until I’m convinced that she is right.

Day after day, I give in to her games and she wins every time.

She takes me out to the deep end knowing I want to die.

Yet I kick my arms and legs.


And swim.