Every time I saw you from across the room,
all I wanted to do was kiss you;
feel your lips against mine;
but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Your beauty called to me,
so unexpectedly,
but I couldn't bring myself to let the love transfer over;
to show you how deeply I felt.

So instead,
we became best friends.
We did everything together;
told each other everything.
We shared a different, rare kind of intimacy.
And, all the while, I felt constricted.
I felt my throat lock up
from the inability to share,
to show you.
I felt wrong,
like I wasn't supposed to.
Yet all I wanted to do was explore;
explore your body against mine;
explore us together,
as one.

And I'm sorry.
Sorry for the confusion,
sorry for the mixed emotions.
While we shared so much connection,
the huge questions mark lay across our relationship;
like a dilapidated bridge,
keeping me from crossing to the other side -
from holding you,
and kissing you.
From feeling the love we both shared, fully.

And I'm sorry that we drifted apart.
But, then again,
you are the one who disappeared from my life.
You are the one who didn't answer my calls.
Yet, I am still sorry;
for putting you in the middle of that dilapidated bridge;
for not allowing you in.

Maybe you had no choice
Maybe you felt rejected.
But I want to say thank you for giving me a chance.
Thank you for allowing me to feel comfortable -
as much as my mind allowed me to be, anyway.

When you disappeared it hurt.
But, after much reflection, I understand.
I understand why you had to go.

So, again, I'm sorry.
But just like you let me go,
it is now my turn to do the same.
Because it hurts,
and I don't want to hurt anymore.

Just know,
that I still think about those moments,
when holding myself back.
Seeing you across that living room,
all I wanted was to kiss you so bad;
to fully experience our unexpected love affair.

Thank you for opening my eyes.
I love you.
Goodbye.