my drug and addiction

i have to drink coffee
or else my head wants to explode
but like in medical terms
it's my pain killer

but in the same time
coffee makes my hands shaky
and heart too fast and
i want to do everything at once
and nothing at all

i really don't like coffe
it tastes like nothing
like burned sugar
and its blackness scares me

what should i do?
if i don't like my savior...