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Dec 2017
I am not afraid
Of very much
Not because I'm brave
Strong and fearless
But because I am too
Numb to be afraid

I am not afraid
Of very much
But what I am afraid of
I am terrified of

I am not afraid
Of very much
But I am beyond terrified
Of three things
In this life

The first thing being
Falling in love
That does not mean
I am afraid of love
For love is a nice thing
Gentle smiles and
Friendly laughs
That lead to hugs
Kind words
But no kisses
Just loving the other person

Falling in love however
That is a terrifying thing
To crave their company
Every hour of the day
To wish to know
What secrets their
Smiles could hide
The aching need to
Be with them
That terrifies me

The second thing is
That I am afraid
Of being powerless
In all essences
Defenseless
Weak
Unable to stop
Awful, terrible,
Catastrophic things
From happening

The third and last
The greatest fear
I have
Is that I am afraid
Of being alone
It is a crushing
Crippling weight
The weight of that fear

I am afraid of being alone
In both senses
In having no one by
My side
No one out there
In this small-wide world
Who cared
And in being able
To stand in a crowd
With numbers reaching
Ten thousands
Yet no one to
Know my name
Or worse yet
They knew my name
And my story
Yet they didn't care

These three things
Are my three fears
They might be small
At least in number
But they are
Everything

Isn't it funny?
I'm completely numb
And I'm still afraid
Perhaps I fear
My own numbness
Four fears isn't bad
Yet they are awful
Jay
Written by
Jay  F
(F)   
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