Discovering Dauphne

Reading Du Maurier as my mother once before me

I feel cheated that in my midlife
This now my first discovery
I weep at the complex beauty within the first page
I read and re-read and re-read and again
I want these letters that form these words to penetrate and reside within my soul

I feel saddened for my lack of knowledge
For my laziness and lack of wanting to escape through words in my previous years

I feel anger for the years of substance use to take me out of myself
Why has Daphne been kept hidden I ask?
She understands me!
If there is she, then more alike there must be.

I leave regret, usually, for those who don't understand it's teachings
With Du Maurier I experience a new and crippling regret
I feel betrayed by anyone who has lived within her words, her worlds and yet kept her hidden from my unquenchable thirst

At least time seems to be slowing down in my 'almost there' sobriety
More hours appear each day
to be filled between the sheets of each turning page.

Hello new world