I still haven’t talked about how it made me feel
clearly I was upset
the tears streaming down my face
and blood seeping out of the slits in my wrist
could tell you that
my mom could tell you that
considering I stayed in bed for a whole week

when the tears stopped
that’s when I didn’t know how to feel
why was I no longer upset
why was I no longer feeling FEELINGS
am I a ******* robot

my best friend killed herself
and a few weeks later
I was drowning the thought of it

cheap liquor nightly
stench of skunk daily
not a chance to sober up
and face the reality

I was so mad
mad at “God”
or whatever that **** is
mad that I couldn’t be there for her
like she was for me
mad that I couldn’t talk to her again if I tried

have you ever
sat in front of a grave
and shared your deepest secrets
it’s some sort of desperation
and hope at the same time

I pray you never have to
experience such a thing
such a numbing tragedy
that takes you away from yourself