i do my hair over ten times in the morning so my hair will look nice at school for people. i workout three times a day and eat almost nothing so that when i wear my tight cheer leading uniform people don’t say “oh look it’s the fat cheerleader again”. i wear red lipstick and wear ten coats of mascara so that i will look smarter and more trustworthy like the beauty quizzes say i will. i wear so much makeup to cover up my teenage flaws and “natural beauty” so that when people look at me they won’t see anything wrong with me or say “gosh **** she’s so ugly”. i spend all of my money on clothes that make my features look better because i don’t want a boy to say that I have a flat chest or ****. i whiten my teeth everyday of the week with charcoal so when boys tell me to smile “because it’s ****” they don’t have to see a yellow nasty smile. i stay up so late at night to study for test after test so my friends won’t have to say “yeah that’s my friend with the point five IQ”. i do so much for other people to love and accept me that i forget to love myself and it hurts. it hurts to know that i’ll never see myself the way the my parents or sisters see me.