I guess we never had a resolution, no obvious end. I never was quite sure whether to be happy or sad.
Now I know,
I am angry I am furious I can't even formulate just how heartbroken I am.

Losing you was losing the one person who kept me sane, you understood where I stood…or so I thought.
And friendships are never 50/50 that I understood quite well, when we first met I was there for you with everything I was there
And yet I can't say the same for you.
I always pulled my 80/20 without complaint because I wanted you to be there; alive and well.

But so it seems, I couldn’t be given the same courtesy. Because when I was lying on my bathroom floor about to down a bottle of pills you weren’t there, and you weren’t there when I needed to release my thoughts, and you weren’t there you weren’t ******* there.

Apparently when I gave you my all my love apparently when I allowed myself to be drained of everything that was me Apparently that wasn’t enough to convince you I was worthy of you, apparently I hadn’t done enough to be able to fall apart within your grasp and for you to ******* notice and not let me shatter on the floor. Apparently, I wasn’t clear enough when I said I wanted to die.

And now I’m destroying everyone I love because nobody ever taught me how to love that.

And now I’m destroying myself because nobody ever taught me to love that either.