i used to love summer
when it meant long hours of freedom
infinite days of fun
making waves in the pool,
under the sun.

now i dread the heat-filled days
they are a reminder of impending doom
and of past lives that i have lead
how i miss them.

but here i am today
sitting on my bed, typing out what barely qualifies as a poem
just a few hours before i lay in bed, swiping upwards on my phone
listening to background music
crying myself to sleep
all due to nostalgia
all because of the opportunities i had and never took
all caused by the fear i had to live my life.

so no, when you ask me what my favorite time of year is
i will not tell you "summer, of course!"