Draw the line between sadness and depression. Which is it today? As I can not see beyond this grey.
Loss, pain, memories of it all. Memories of them haunt within.
Today I thought if life carried beyond maybe I could go be with all of them. No guarantees. Not a sure bet you see. I don't gamble well. Therfore I will continue to live in this hell.
No medications, no shrink talk makes these feelings resolve they just continue to rise to the top.
I balance my life on a narrow walking beam. Grasping onto hope that one day this will all be glee.
I've never tried to take my own life. As I have always felt that the end results would be more hell in the after life.
I walk around as if I am a zombie. No emotions come out. No sign of happy. It's not that I want to be here in this state. There is no way to escape.
I look for beauty in all that is around. I find some form of peace by laying on this hard ground.
I feel the spirit that all has inside. I allow the energy to find me bring me alive.
A process for life. A struggle many have. I know I am not alone. I am glad.
Nashoba copyrighted 2017