My eyes snap open:
I am walking
not by choice
for I am weighted down
it lurks behind me
every second
of every day.

People stare
and goggle at me
tongues throw knives
"Why are you so strange?"
some miss entirely
"Why can't you be normal?"
others hit home.

Doubt is constantly,
relentlessly,
gnawing at my brain
How?
Why?
When?
Too many questions

What if all I ever do,
when light recedes
Is stare up at the ceiling
And drown in the past
When I think I've come up for air
I find a crashing wave of nightmares
That shoves me further down.

I do not understand
I lack perfect vision
Yet it is not I
that cannot see clearly
Even when the trees
***** at my eyes like needles

Nothing stops the pain
no matter how hard I try
I cannot escape
No matter how hard I try
No matter how far I get.
I end up
Closer than ever before

One day
I will be too tired
to keep going.
It will consume me.
And I will be lost.
Forever.              I Am Sorry