My hand becomes paralyzed
at the thought of
writing out my thoughts
true
but blue is the color
that shades me
hiding me in its hue

I want to express
how my heart aches
it craves
to connect

known for my patience
so a lesson
you must be
then

teaching me

to not waste
anymore time
oh how little time
we truly do have

so I toss and turn
in the moonlights beam
like a coin flipped into the air
what side shall I be?

caught in the middle
between waiting
and going
I cling to this meaning
of my middle name
hoping
for it all to fall into place
hoping
for you to just understand
me

All i want
is for you
to look at me
as though
I will not be
here
tomorrow

I teeter with this meaning
of love
when the word
routinely
leaves your lips
so mundane

what does love actually mean
to you,
******!?

Is it having
someone around
to deal with
your piles of clothes
scattered on the floor
like
my thoughts
indisposed?

is it knowing
that you can
stack the dishes
as high as
my anxiety builds
in hopes for it all
to come
crashing down?

Is it that you can
leisurely
spend your money
on
toys?
oh how your car needs
that ******’ loud exhaust!

though home
isn’t your concern
because love to you
is not having
to be concerned
about how I feel

I am just here
to cater to you

how am I so
easy going
to just grin
and bare it

you love me
so
you don’t
have to
consider it

because
you say it
routinely
so surely
my heart
is content…
right?