5/15/2015

i spend more time in silence than i ever have
maybe there are people who assume songwriters don't spend much time in the quiet because we're constantly creating melody after the next
but i'm really longing for some noise
rather than watching dust collect on the brass of my strings and the ivory of my keys
rather than watching clean and ***** clothes settle on the maroon-colored floor I haven't seen in weeks
just waiting to be separated and sorted like my issues
this type of media we thrive on (which is anything but social)
offers me a glimpse into a hopeful window of your life
which i willingly chose not to be apart of
again and again and again
the life of someone gifted
who knows when and when not to speak
who has let me redeem second chances way too many times
and who is very aware of how much i abuse the love i'm given
and especially the people who give it to me
i didn't want you to keep giving love to someone who cannot reciprocate it
i see through that small window while you live out your dreams
thinking how pathetically cruel i was not to just sever the cable wires that kept us entangled for way too long
i can't help myself but take every little opportunity to peek into your happily little life
because i know my departure and absence as a bystander is contributing to the happy you i get to see in little places everywhere
while i fight to learn how to love so i can live the way i'm meant to