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May 2017
Fallen angel loves her father
Loves to be healed by scripture
Prays for guidance
Prays for forgiveness
Aches for home
Aches somewhere deep and empty in her chest
Feels sad and unsteady;
Separate and disjointed from her siblings
Doesn't brush her hair
Sleeps too late
Forgets to eat three square meals
Fills herself with coffee and day old pastries
Rides the train all night
Avoids the gazes of others
Cries into the neck of her t-shirt
Writes her diary in a confusing mix of first and third person
Tells her therapist stories she hears from strangers
Buys books on philosophy and anatomy
Reads them and the Bible side-by-side
Feels small and insignificant
Misses her family
Wishes she was made less hollow
Wonders why her father never speaks of her
Wonders why he only talks about her brothers
Forgets she is heavenly
Forgets she is a creature of divine engineering
Forgets her failings are her father's too
Forgets her wings
Longs for a mother
Longs for a soft, warm home
Looks out the window at dusk and dawn
Marvels at the way the darkening-
the lightening echoes inside of her
Decorates her skin
Fills herself with more meaningless things
Something like a house
Something like a conversation
Colors her eyes
And her lips
And her fingers
All blue like her soul
Startles at her own reflection
At how she looks like she's freezing
Or suffocating
Or drowning
Realizes that she was made cold and empty;
That she was never breathing to begin with.
Catherine H
Written by
Catherine H  Texas
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