yes, i do the let phone ring and ring and ring until it stops choking me as your name flickers off the screen
i let your name linger on my lips like some sort of bad dream
i lie awake shedding layers and wanting to scream, do you know how much of me you haven't seen?
do you think of me as you go to sleep?

and maybe i do shine light on things i'd rather keep inside, maybe i dwell on things when they've already been unraveled away. maybe i think too much and fill myself with sad songs and one word answers and pity filled sighs, maybe i act like a child and curl up and hide when things get too wild, and maybe i do lie.

but i miss how your hand felt in mine, i miss talking to you without thinking before every line, i miss how i would associate you with a field of light. but now you make me want to die.

i'll miss you as you were,
but never as you are now.

i hope you learn to grow in yourself,
move yourself around a bit,
fill that obvious pit in your stomach

maybe then you'll have some room left to squeeze me in.