I miss the silhouette of your curves in front of the window
The way you smiled at me as if I was the only thing in the world
The way I craved you like an addict craves a drug
I miss loving you lucidly and equivocally
The moment you touched my skin
Creating an electricity
A spark
So close
A mere synapse away
Almost but not quite

When you left I felt the pain
Sharp and undulating
It didn't stop for weeks
The ache and the want
Pulsing through me with every heart beat
Ice cold running through every single vein
Seeping into every cell of every tissue
Numbing me to everything warm
Everything that mattered melted away in spite of the persistent cold
The bitterness still lingers inside me
Deep in my bones I can still feel the presence
A tumour that now does not spread but will never go away
No medicine can fix that
If you remove it, you remove me
Mostly it removes you
And despite that I think I'd keep it.

Maybe I'm still in love with you but I hate you
Despise you
Yet still I want you.


KG