I procrastinate
And as deadlines approach
Anxiety buds and bubbles
And yet I sit staring at the question
Reading and rereading
Thinking 5 steps forward in its entirety
and scaring myself with reality
I tried clearing the haze from my gaze
And getting my head in the game
But then the heart starts pounding relentlessly
And I clutched at it, an excuse to sink into the comfortable darkness
Then I wondered why I'm living without really living
There was naught I didn't put off
And it wasn't as though work was put off for real fun
I put off life to sink into inactivity
I get out of days and weeks from bed with weakened legs and an aching back,
Friends no where in sight, life barely existent
Is living really necessary after all?
I questioned and floated in constructed pain and darkness
Such fortune for a kid to have a shelter above her head, well fed with nothing lacking yet why
Why why why
Why am I still in an endless loop
Why am I still here
Am I necessary after all
Of course not
But it is as though the brain has no power over the heart
I operate on id, ego rarely at work
And it's a devastating tale of the hopeless
One after another with naught but excuses