Here I am bleeding again Taken aback by mortal fear. Staring at faith Staged by hope-- Pouring rain on visceral cage– The sound of deep Calling to deep.
Repressed feelings buried by time. Epitaph reads on the forgotten grave:
"Here lies the child now grown. His hopes and dreams Dashed to pieces. This is where the child died."
I often hear the Mystic Keeper Calling from night And tradition calling from artificial light
As I run through scorched barren Fields of doubt.
Walking barefoot over these coals Crouching low To hide my eyes
As I run And as I hide From what has already been revealed-- The tombstone says it all.
When I am out on the water Lost in the Channel fog I often see fleeting glimpses of White cliffs of hope Like the white cliffs of Dover Shining on the edge of Melancholy Sea. But they often turn out to be Withered white Seeds of religious platitudes.
And then there is the ready reflection Of the looking glass That often tricks the beholder. For in it truth is not seen. What is seen is graffiti of soul Hiding the crumbling Cracks of age–
The threshold where Sanity meets its end.
Isolation has become A shining steel blade Cutting deep Into the heart of hearts.
Nothing lives after amputation. Depending on emotional prosthetics-- Phantom pain When nothing is there.
But in the midst of these devastations I am learning to take--
Howbeit reluctantly--
The hand of trust and grace. Allowing Hope to build A fortress for dreams… Set boundaries better Than no control at all.
This piece was written at a time when I experienced a debilitating physical illness which still affects me today (not physical amputation btw). But pain, caused by self-inflicted or extraneous traumatic experiences such as myriad forms of assault and losing or cutting off people or things in our lives, can be severely felt as a type of phantom pain. This, of course is a universal aspect of the human condition.