I feel like a creep.

It's been months since I kissed you,
And then you two got together,
And I swear, I'm happy for you...

But I can't help but wonder.

I wonder why
You kissed me back.
Why you held my face,
And slid on top of me.

I wonder why you kissed
Down my neck
Over and over.

It felt like hours.

I wonder why
I was so gentle.
Why your hair felt nice
On my fingertips,
And your hips felt nice
In my hands.
On my waist.

I wonder why
I tried to hold you afterwards.
Why you pushed me away,
And said we needed sleep.
I didn't get any.

I wonder why
I couldn't talk the morning after.
Why I felt so *****,
And you seemed so cold.

I wonder why
I couldn't look you in the eyes
Outside of the dark
Basement.

I wonder why
I was so mad.
Why you were dating him
And not me.

I wonder why
I felt sick
To my stomach.

I wonder why
I stopped being mad.
Why I just felt empty
And wanted to be slutty.

I wonder why
I was so worried
About you being the last person
I kissed...

But not being yours.

I wonder why
I kiss her
So gently.
Why I am so soft-lipped
When she asks for teeth.

I wonder why
I'm so shy around her
And can't look at her after.

I wonder why
I think of you.
Why her hips feel so light
In my hands
And my fingers reach for more...

They come up empty.

I swear, I am happy for you.

I swear, I am happy.

But...

*I wonder.