And I started to wonder if we were really ever anything
Because I thought we were in my head
I thought we were this beautiful thing
But in reality we were nothing
And I had hoped that it was the first one
But it turned out to be the second
I was second to everyone else
I gave and gave and gave until my heart gave out
And all you could do was stand and stutter when I asked for something in return
So you started to distance yourself and I started to stay up at night thinking about you
About the obvious connection we had but the fact that you didn't want me because you couldn't handle something real
I felt you cover me up with the covers when I fell asleep
And when you asked if you could give me a happy birthday kiss on my cheek
You gave me your sweatshirt
And you were the most unemotional person yet when I was leaving you cried
Now it's almost one year later and you pop up occasionally
Asking me how I am
Well here's how I am
I'm an emotional wreck
I miss our friendship
I think about you every night
I think about the what ifs
I wonder why you've lied to yourself for so long
And why you strung me along
You were perfectly imperfect
I threw myself at you and I must admit I regret it
Because I wish I could take back all the feelings I invested
In someone so broken
I go for the broken
I'm broken
I feel like nothing is real anymore
I'm jealous of others love one minute then the next I think love isn't real at all
I try to succeed and focus on school
But my depression and suicidal thoughts race and I always go back to thinking about you
You
Why can't you love me?
Why can't you see what I see?
Why are you so mean to you?
Why were you so mean to me?
You pushed me away
And now we're so far apart
Emotionally that is
Physically we are only 4 hours and 18 minutes away
I look it up from time to time
You meant the world to me
You were my best friend
And as I sit here and write this sappy ****
I realize just how much time I've wasted over you
My energy
My youth
3 years
I want to stop
I'd like to think I've matured since our escapade last year
I'd like to say I never think about you
I'd like to say that I don't smell the sweatshirt you gave me
I'd like to say that I've given up on you ever reciprocating the feelings I have for you
I'd like to say those feelings are gone
But I'd be lying to myself
I wish you'd stop lying to yourself
But what's the point
I should move on
I know
But as long as you continue to like my Instagram pictures
And message me occasionally
My 14th year of life will continue to be wasted on you
As was my 12th and 13th
I pray my 15th isn't