It has been two months since you've answered my messages

I stare at your name in my phone like how I stare at the test when I don’t know the answer

I should know the right reason,
If I was only paying attention
Maybe I’d know why you’re not here instead of wishing that answer choice D read none of the above or the question itself didn’t even exist

Because understanding why the person you loved left is not something teachers can teach you
It is not something you can study for

And in the summer you promised me I wouldn’t have to face a question like that–
You told me you weren’t leaving, we were in this together

I built up the courage to call you again yesterday

Ring, ring, ring, ring

Voicemail

But that’s okay because I talked about how on weekend mornings the sun shines through my blinds and each ray reminds me of your laugh

I talked about the boy who called me stupid for loving someone who never called me back but I don’t think he understands that not getting a response from you gives me a reason to keep calling

I wanna tell you about how the chocolate milk in my fridge reminds me of you and I want you to hear about the wrestler in my school that could be your twin and how every time we cross paths I stare at him because maybe if I look long enough, look hard enough, I’ll be able to see the reflection of my flaws that made you leave in his eyes

But simply, I want you to know that in each waking moment, in each step I take on this world
There is not a time that’ll go by when I’m not thinking of you