I Am An Unfolding Disaster

When I was fifteen years old I came home from school one day and wrote a poem instead of cutting myself. The next day I didn't write a poem. Eighteen only wrote poetry in red. Nineteen crawled under their desk with the lights turned off. Twenty had panic attacks. But thirteen still loved the world. And ten only cared about going out to play. And nine never thought growing up to be a gender would hurt so much. But twenty-one can't breathe in this skin anymore. And twenty-one doesn't want a twenty-two anymore. And nineteen tried to pretend these feelings weren't real. And fifteen tried to eradicate all the feelings altogether. And seventeen just cried a lot. My years have come together to unfold me into a disaster. I am broken even in my most whole parts. I am empty even on my most alive days. If you send out a SOS into my chest the sound will ring off into its empty chambers and only answer itself.

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