im sitting down
on the mattress on the floor
gazing at my bedroom door
wondering why i exist because i think im a bore

questioning life
like i question everything else
i dig myself a deeper hole
that i cannot climb out of myself

i speak of my issues often
feeling slightly guilty inside
wondering why people dont care as much as i do
how do they dare?

but it all comes down to
my mind playing games
people that love me, show me they care
but i choose not to see it
because deep down i think
im undeserving
of the love,
the emotion,
the tender care,
the devotion,
the loving stare,
and most of all
not allowing myself to fall in love
or
be loved by someone else