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Sep 2016
the bags under my eyes screamed
I couldn’t remember the last time I actually slept without seeing the imminent sun
maybe I should call night the river of tears
and day the blazing inferno that burns my whole ******* body but never seems enough to actually **** me

when I was 9 my father asked me what I wanted for my birthday
I grinned and shrugged, I was young and being older just seemed to be the best ******* thing ever
If he had asked 10 years later, I would have cried
and probably begged him to take this ******* thing back
I don't want this life anymore
but being older still seems to be the best ******* thing, a year closer to my death.

when I reached 19,
my friends stopped playing with me and started acting like my ******* parents
they didn't know that their constant hovering slowly pushes me on the edge of  want
want to **** myself
want to die
want to not ******* exist anymore

20 minutes ago I started writing a love poem
I love romantic poems because I could write a whole ******* book about it without actually feeling it

20 minutes later it turned into a suicide note.
trigger warning for suicide
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