a discomfort radiating upwards

a discomfort radiating upwards from the balls of my feet up my calves and through the muscles i try to keep from twitching. some nights i could wash my hands twenty times and still feel sweaty and hopeless. i could give up sometimes i know where the blind curves are and the tallest trees in the woods and i know how much it hurts behind my spine and inside my rib cage. i can't breathe i can't breathe and maybe giving up would hurt less than trying to hold myself steady and trying and and thoughts keep getting cut off in the middle i can't breathe i can't breathe i've had dark nights and slightly lighter nights and quiet damp nights and buzzing summer nights and throbbing multicolored nights and nights so deathly silent i questioned my own sanity and some nights where i wanted to just give up nights nights all of them were nights. i can't breathe i can't breathe i would run away from my problems if there wasn't this discomfort in the balls of my feet radiating upwards and also if i could breathe **but i can't fucking breathe**

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be-mccomb

25 / F

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