Lonely days lonelier nights
Staring blankly at the flickering screen
Or simply into a distance
Where nothing but pain awaits

It is not a kind pain
Not the pain of the body that heralds healing
Or reminds me not to do that
Not a brief pain

It is a pain of the soul
A pain so deep and timeless it will never leave me
A pain of the mind
Bringing night terrors and days of torment

How many ways have I tried to fix myself
My broken self my empty heart
My fatal addictions
My distractions from reality

I can't count them all
I could not find a solution
Each failure reinforcing the lie
That next time it will be fine

I surrender to my despair
To my infinite darkness
Waiting in vain for a twin soul
To make a human connection