The sun is shining,
The air is warm,
The breeze is cooling
Off the heat of the blood beneath my skin.

And I can feel
The biting sting
Of tears behind my eyes,
As a deli cashier berates me
For asking for a container.

I roll my eyes,
Move on and move forward,
I can't let me anxiety and that guys problems
Bring me down today.

Walking home in the heat,
From the store.
Spend an hour working on trail mix,
Cursing myself for making so little.
Cursing myself for not buying more of the ingredients.
Cursing myself for not making more money,
For not being better,
For upsetting anyone ever.
For being myself in certain aspects that I am me--

No.
Breathe.
Breathe right now.
In, out.
In, one two three.
Out, one two three.

I close my eyes,
Breathe in sharply,
Wash the dishes,
Make lunch,
Take my meds,
Clean up.

Check what I need to
Off my list,
Clench my fists,
Release the strain.

Muscles burn,
Tension in my shoulder,
Shake my head,
Use my hand in place of ice,
Wait for the burning twist to subside.

Guzzling Gatorade,
To drive away the headache,
Tears threaten to fall,
Ignore them,
Ignore the lump in my throat,
It doesn't matter.
Stop doubting yourself.
You didn't do anything.
No one did anything.
It's been a stressful few days.
You've been isolating yourself.
Stop doubting yourself.
Demand that you treat yourself better.
Ignore it ignore it ignore
The lump in your throat
The stinging behind your eyes
The pressure on your chest.
Ignore it.

They cannot hurt you now.
The dreams cannot get to you when you're awake.
Ignore it. It's over.
Do not doubt yourself.
You are loved you are loved you are loved.

Look at the sky,
Remember something good,
Something real,
Something honest.
All you can think about is flying,
And how refreshing it is.
How scared are you?
Fear is pooling in the pit of your stomach,
Like a puddle of murky water.
Something's wrong and maybe it's that you're thinking too much,
But it's too much and it won't stop but it has to.
You have to make it stop, right now.
Breathe!

The warmth of the sun
Is like the warmth of my Bluebird's smile,
But there's something eating away at my insides,
And the sun can't help.

Man, sure, rain *****.
But boy, does sunshine bite.