There's a funny part about life
That you only notice
When you've seen hellish things
At too young an age.
When you tell your therapist(s)
"Oh, I'm only 21."
When they ask your age,
And then they shake their head
Because
"That's too much for you to have
Been through
At such a young age."

And then he asks
"When did the __ happen?"

And you respond with
"Well, there were multiple. Lasted over a span of five years."

His eyes go wide,
"How do you trust anyone?"

"Trust? Ha! Not anymore, sorry bud. I'm just honest."
I laugh, trying to sound lighthearted.
I sound cynical.
I sound bitter.

But this was two weeks ago.

And today suddenly
Trust is coursing through my veins
And I'm confused, and concerned
Because I don't get attached.
I don't let people in.
I stopped doing that a long time ago.

First person in three years that I let in,
Left without a good bye.
Then the first person I let in
In seven ****** years
Tried so very hard
To shatter me like the glass he thought I was.
Silly little boy,
Silly little, foolish boy,
I am not glass.
I am iron,
I am steel,
I am petrified bone
That will break your fist
If you try to break me.

And now, the person I trusted
And let in
About eleven years ago in September,
Is the person I am letting in
Once more.

And it's different this time.
We're not kids.
It's not platonic,
It's not looking at each other
On a bad day and thinking
"Thank God, my friend is here. Everything is okay now."

Instead we're adults,
And it's miserable.
And it's romantic but fun,
And it's looking at each other on a good day and thinking
"Dear God, am I lucky."

It's like even on fairly clear days,
Everything is a little brighter.
A little more colorful.
All weights
A little lighter.

And these things you've seen
That I've seen
And that we've been through
It would destroy some people,
But I truly believe
That having been through hell and back
Heaven can't be too far off,
Especially not when heaven
Is being held in your arms.