I've dreamt of perfection for as long as I can remember.

The perfect way to kiss you.
The perfect way to hold your hand.
The perfect way to smile at you.

I've dreamt of irrational men who fancy things I don't.

Irrationally dreaming of love.
Irrationally falling apart when you didn't want me anymore.
Irrationally self harming with toxins.

Throughout my dreams I've been alone on and off for long periods of time.
I've watched sunrises and sunsets alone.
I've watched my heart fall into a cold chill alone.
I've watched myself slowly forget what making love was and the difference between love and lust.

Throughout my irrational dreams, I've fallen for a few boys who could never fulfill those fantasies.
And lately I've asked myself one question:

Is it time to settle and accept my fears or continue irrationally dreaming of a love I'll never truly have?

But no answer has come to me yet.