i hope you're happy, wherever you are, with what you are doing.
you do not know that i am not, and i both cannot change it
and would not even if i could - this is who we are now.
we have drifted apart and while you have found an island and
invited all our friends, nobody speaks to me and the saltwater burns my skin.
i am sorry for what i said, but not for what happened -
i just wish it had happened differently. i am sorry for telling you
how i felt when i had never done so before - it was new to you.
you must understand that while i hate how things are now,
i cannot regret much - i do not mean to sound callous,
but rather i want to, just once, tell the truth - while am lonely, i am free.
you may not realise the toxicity of your words as they caress your tongue
but they burned my skin with their acidic touch
and dissolved my soul into something i neither recognised nor liked.
i wish you all the best, and you'll remain a part of me,
but now i cannot bear to see your face because i have seen
what it looks like under the mask of lipstick smiles and sharp eyeliner
and the truth of who you were to me, and made me be, is terrifying.
still, while you made me something i cannot be while keeping myself,
you made me smile and feel something akin to ... happiness, i suppose;
so i watch you take away what i have left without resentment -
i know you feel you need revenge, and i will not be the one
to keep your closure from you when i am finding mine.
this is the last present i can still give to you now that i'm gone.
i hope the spring air washes the poison off your tongue,
and that you can be happy with the people who loved me once;
i hope you can find enough happiness to neutralise the acidic hate
that made me leave a person i loved so immensely behind.
i have never been the one who left, but i cannot go on.