Today I wanted to die,
I imagined the plane crashing and exploding,
I dreamt of falling to my death,
I envisioned free-falling till I was like a bug...
yet I didn't want any of this.

I hoped my heart would stop on a caffeine overdose,
I wanted to be dead to be numb again,
I longed to feel empty and alone,
I couldn't feel tired knowing I failed...
**I wanted all of the pain, regret and disillusion.